a friendly welcome to my website

My intention for setting up this website

I wanted to create a website in order to share with others all about spirituality,  and teachings that have helped and inspired me over the years. All things that I find exciting and fun basically! However, I believe first and foremost that when it comes to spirituality it is about authenticity. Therefore, as well as sharing with you my joy and what I am passionate about, I hope that I can also share with you my sadness, struggles, angers and frustrations.

It is through integrating the negative emotions that I have learned the greatest lessons and gained wisdom and strength. I like to “keep it real” and I don’t ever pretend to be anything that I am not.  I’d much rather just be myself. So perhaps I can start now by telling you my story and how I got interested in spirituality.

My spiritual journey began in 2011

Previous to this, I spent the best part of six years battling with an addiction that had become the center of my life. On the outside I had a job, a roof over my head, a family that still loved me and a long term partner who meant the world to me. Externally I had a lot of things that other people didn’t and a lot to be grateful for, but I was dead inside. The joy and happiness had been sucked out of anything worthwhile in my life. In the summer of that year I ended up curled in the fetal position in my bathroom crying. I knew that I could not continue living my life the way that I was living it. It was lying on that bathroom floor that I experienced my first spiritual awakening. Not knowing who I was talking to, I cried out to the universe for help. A feeling of peace and serenity washed over me and I felt calm. I stopped crying. I left the bathroom and I walked out of the door that day in the direction of my freedom.

12 steps to freedom

I knew that everything was going to be okay from now on and that there was nothing to fear. I did not understand how or why I knew this but I trusted it. I felt inside of me what I needed to do and the steps that should be taken. I did not understand this on a conscious level or comprehend it but I knew instinctually, on a gut level. I ended up getting help from a 12 step fellowship, which I was involved in for a long time. During which, I got six years clean time and expanded my spiritual awareness and my understanding of myself as a person, of my triggers. In the fellowship I was able to experience unconditional love and unity for the first time, in a way that I had never felt in my family.

The beginning of a new life

Growing up for most of my life I had felt alone, different, separate and like there was something really wrong with me. I felt like I was adopted into my family because they did not seem to perceive or understand the world the way that I did. I had the feeling of being unseen and unheard in my family from a very young age. So for me finding the fellowship was really important in my journey because I was able to be accepted for who I was, without judgment or shame and being there felt like coming home to my real family. I had found people who shared my experiences, had been in my shoes, felt how I had felt. Therefore, as a result, I felt seen by them, I felt heard by them and I did not feel so alone anymore.

Finding my soul family and a new purpose to life

More recently, in the summer of 2016, I attended a spiritual retreat in Czech Republic where I met many like-minded people and had life changing experiences. I met people who were practicing collective emotional healing through being present with their emotions and the emotions of others. They were practicing healing the fractured aspects of themselves and loving themselves with a purpose. They too had felt alone in the way that I had felt alone my entire life.

They were as idealistic as me and believed in the same principles that I did, in building a better world on a foundation of love and belonging and acceptance, where adults and children could live together in intentional communities, not separate from each other in fear, judgment and shame. The feeling of belonging that I felt when I was with them was even stronger than I had ever felt before. I felt an emotional connection to them that was deeper than I had ever experienced with any other human being before in my life. Even though they were strangers, I knew that I had known and loved them in the past. Although I did not understand it on a conscious level, I felt it in my heart.

Another awakening

I went back at new year of that year when I had a massive spiritual awakening again. I experienced myself as being more connected to the universe in a new way. I was able to understand and accept that everything around me really was an extension of me and all of it had consciousness, other people, the animals, the plants, the rocks, the trees. In the fellowship I had been taught to believe in a higher power, but the spiritual experience taught me that there is no hierarchy when it comes to consciousness. Even though I am a part of the Divine spark, I am no more important than an animal or a tree. Therefore, my will cannot be superior to something else, but it also cannot be inferior to a “higher power”. Also, according to the law of attraction, everything that I have become a match to in my reality (good or bad) is a reflection of me, and none of it is separate, the entire universe is inside of me so to speak. It is inside each one of us.

In the fellowship, I had been taught to believe in God’s will versus my will. That my will was bad or wrong and that God’s will was good or right. However, having my new spiritual experience, I learned that nothing is separate from me, not even Source. I learned that everything is God (or Source Consciousness). There is nothing that is outside of Source, not even free will. Therefore, if everything is Source Consciousness, including free will, and you understand and accept this fully, then the concept of God’s will versus your will becomes redundant. God becomes redundant because there is only you and your own desires which are the will of Source Consciousness wanting to experience itself through you. It was in this moment of understanding that I knew that I could no longer return to the 12-step fellowship that I had been a part of for the last six years. As my cornerstone and foundation (which was God) had been removed, and as a result, everything that I had built in terms of understanding fell apart in my mind.

It is your mistakes that are the most important in shaping your destiny (not your achievements)

Although I am not proud of my past, I am the result of my life experience. It is because of my failures and struggles that I have had to overcome in life that I have become the strong, brave, and beautiful person that I am today.

What did I learn in my recovery? It taught me to be resilient. I learned the importance of putting in action to get results and I also learned how to face my fears. It taught me determination and to never give up. I was able to have deep compassion and forgiveness for others.

If I had never experienced what I did, then I wouldn’t have obtained all of these positive skills. So I am a positive result of my negative experiences. If I could teach other people one thing about life, it would be this: No matter how bad things look, never give up, because the mistakes and failures that you make in life can be just as much a blessing as the achievements. There is always an opportunity to turn them around into something positive, if only you change your perspective.

Trust the voice within

Personal experience is far more precious a quality than anything else that can be achieved and this is what we should be teaching our children. To trust their own intuition and internal guidance system first, their own personal experience, even if we as adults disagree with it. This is the first thing that we should be teaching children: to trust their feelings, their own personal experience and stop teaching them that there are “good” and “bad” feelings, “right” and “wrong” feelings. There is no such thing as “good” or “bad” feelings, only “good” or “bad” actions and even then it is a matter of personal perspective and intention.

I have learned through experience that if you are honest and authentic then other people can relate and this makes them feel less alone. When I look at the world, one of the many things that I see in society is people who hide their true selves behind a mask of what they would like to portray to others. However, since one of my spiritual gifts is that I am empathic, I can often see through this and it frustrates me. It is my belief that this is what separates us from each other, causing us to feel so alone. One of my favorite quotes is one from John Lennon: “When I was five years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy”. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

Follow your joy

There is too much pressure on young people today to be the best that they can be and to achieve standards of excellence. While these are very positive things, when teaching them to be the best that they can be we often forget to teach them to be themselves. To be yourself is to be happy and to follow your joy, your passion. When people are happy they are more productive workers, they make more money doing a job that they love and they achieve greater ambitions. So it is in the best interest of society to teach people to be more authentic, true to themselves and therefore happier and productive people with more fulfilling lives.

To do this, we need to teach people to follow their own internal guidance system and personal experience. We also need to stop teaching our children that as adults we know better and have all the answers, because we don’t! We need to stop teaching children that the answers are written down in a book somewhere or that there are rules set in black and white to be followed in every situation. As every situation is different and every person is different. Even though they are just children and in a sense we do understand some things better, we have not walked in their shoes, we have not seen the world as they have seen it or experienced it. Therefore, we do not know what is best for them above and beyond their own internal guidance and experience. To teach them that as adults we always know what is best is to teach them to distrust themselves and to lack confidence in their own vision.

A helping hand on your journey

The goal of this website is to help people on their spiritual journey and to write about what I love. If you ever need a hand or have any questions about any of my content, feel free to leave a comment below and I will be more than happy to help you out.

All the best,

Jacqueline Swan


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