A letter to my 21 year old self from the person that I am today

 

Life has not been easy on you so far. Well I am not going to lie to you. I know that you wouldn’t respect me or trust me if I was to lie. And I know that you can handle it because you are strong and brave at heart. You have already proven that so far. So here is the truth…

Your journey is going to be one of heartbreak and struggle. You will want to give up more times than you can count. You will beg for death. Beg for transformation. For another chance. Everything you hold dear to you will be lost and you will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes. You will rebuild your life upon a foundation that you believe to be solid and secure. Only to be torn down once more. To lose once more. Even more than you did before. You will rage at the injustice of the world. Of the injustice of life. You will wonder why you chose it. Why you chose this life. Why you chose to be here. You will tell yourself that life is futile. You will wonder what is the purpose of it all. You will ask yourself what is the point of going on if there is nothing left to hold on to.

 

 

You will glimpse the precipice of this world of darkness. You will stand at the brink and fear that you are going to fall in. To be swept away on this undertow of hate. You will fear that what lies in your heart is something less than love. But you will not be swept under. Love will win out. It will not be a glorious or triumphant win but it will be remarkable. If only to you. You will be betrayed by those you love most. By those that claim to love you.

In understanding this you will comprehend the meaning of unconditional love. They will attempt to change you. Modify you. Bend you to their will. When they see that they cannot change you then they will hurt you. Wishing you were gone. Eventually abandoning you, when they see that you displease them and you will not or cannot change. Cutting you with their words and their frustrations. Imposing their needs and wishes upon you so strongly that it drives you to the very edge of madness and death. You will be left with the alternative of changing yourself to suit them or being alone. You will ponder over this decision for years. Often times you will want to end your life rather than facing the certainty that you must make this choice. But make it you must and so common sense will win out and you shall make it.

 

 

You will choose to be alone. Completely alone. Alone rather than suppress your own needs and wants for those who do not hold your best interests in their hearts. It will be a painful choice. But the alternative is unthinkable. The alternative is not a life. Because to choose to live according to someone else’s rules is to not be free and to not love yourself. To live according to someone else’s rules is to be a puppet in their control. A puppet to manipulate and dominate. In their heart of hearts they may believe to hold your best interests in their minds but that is simply another form of control from a more righteous standpoint. In not understanding this you will seek to do the same. You will attempt to fight this battle for years. In doing so you will embody that which you stand and argue against. You will match that vibration. You will hurt those that have hurt you in the same way that they have hurt you. You will see the irony and frustration of these situations that are a mirror to you. In seeing this you will understand that it is not your fight.

Your fight is to stand for Love and everything that it represents. You will see that to change or modify others to suit your own will is not love. And so you will surrender to that. Surrender to the process. To the grief and the despair. You will sink into it so deeply that it will become your dearest friend. As it is all that you have ever known to be true. And to be a friend means to be true, honest and real. Therefore, it will seem that the pain is your friend as it is the only thing in your life that does not lie to you.

 

 

You will surrender to the pain and transform it into something beautiful. You will surrender to life and have moments of ecstasy and joy. You will surrender to Love and see that it is the only thing that is worth living for. Slowly you will begin to open up the door of your Heart again. You are here for a purpose. Even if you do not always comprehend what that purpose is. Your struggles are not in vain. You will begin to see that you are capable of achieving great things because you have stood against the darkness and won. Through this you will understand the power of Love. Because it was Love that won. It was Love that won out against seemingly impossible odds.

In comprehending this you will begin to see the necessity of Unity. Because how much more can we achieve if we stand United in Love. It is not futile. It is not in vain. It is something worth fighting for. It is a purpose that is greater than you and you cannot hope to achieve it alone. But all is not lost. There are others like you. There are those that wish to stand for Love. They too will come to understand in time that fighting the darkness is not the way. Because in doing so we only push ourselves further away from that which is Love.

 

 

To truly stand for Love means that you must not oppose the darkness. We must stay soft. Gentle. Centered in our hearts. As fierce defenders of Love. Although to stand for Love does not mean that you must fight to push away another because there is more power available to you in remaining open.

There is so much to live for!

Do not give in my Love.

Dearest one.

Precious to my Heart.

You are more Loved than you know.

More whole and complete than you are able to see.

And much more special than you believe.

There is Greatness within you.

Do not give up Hope.

Do not stop believing in the Hope of a more beautiful world and a glorious Future.

It is waiting for you.

But it will not be easy.

Love from,

Your future self xx

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